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KobeJaws
Star Player
Joined: 25 Feb 2008
Posts: 2709
Location: Michigan
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 Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 3:26 am Post subject: |
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| non-player zealot wrote: | | ctb619 wrote: | | The excessive sweater - has no skills to speak of, but ends up being relatively effective because no one on the opposing team dares to make physical contact with him. |
I've also been puzzled by players who were decent, but always coasted to the extent that it was a waste of their time to even be there. Barely broke a sweat. The world doesn't hinge on the outcome of a pick up game, but trying to win isn't exactly illegal. |
Guilty as charged. |
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rwongega
Franchise Player
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 20510
Location: UCLA -> NY
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 8:22 am Post subject: |
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| brutella wrote: | | rwongega wrote: | | brutella wrote: | The "don't touch me" guy who calls sissy touch fouls.
and
the "shoot the trey every chance I can get" guy.
Biggest pet peeves for me. |
Guilty on that charge. Though I do make more than I miss, usually.  |
Hey if you make it, cool. But I hope you don't take them while running a 2 to 1 fast break. Ugghh I hate those guys. |
No, then I just use my ugly Ron Artest dribble and run over whoever's in front of me. |
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C M B
Franchise Player
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 19879
Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 8:55 pm Post subject: |
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The Modern Art Shooter
The guy whose shooting form makes you want to kill yourself.
You first notice that he runs funny and that he's not wearing basketball shoes. "That's okay", you think to yourself. Then, you take a closer look. His shoes are made by Umbro. "Oh. He's probably foreign. That's okay too." Except he starts talking, and he's not foreign. He sounds like he's from around here. Hmm. Then one of the shootaround balls lands near him, and from the moment he sets his hands on the ball to dribble it, you know that everything is not quite right. He faces the hoop and sets up his shot. Jesus, what's he doing? His shooting wrist isn't below the ball! His guide hand is draped across the top of the ball from left to right! Little do you know that the next fraction of a second will haunt you forever. Small children with the misfortune of looking in his direction flinch, as if uncertain of their own well-being. They look behind them for reassurance but instead they're frightened by the terror they see in their mothers' faces. You try to avert your eyes like Karen Allen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big Nazi gets sliced by the propeller, but it's too late. You see everything including the follow-through...an image of darkness like the kind that drove H.P. Lovecraft's pen has now been burned into your reality. It'd be one thing if this guy was a good shooter, but no, it's like the rim wants absolutely nothing to do with his stuff.
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| Sister Golden Hair wrote: | LAMAR ODOM is an anagram for ... DOOM ALARM
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ElliotTheFan
Star Player
Joined: 11 Jun 2009
Posts: 2474
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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| C M B wrote: | The Modern Art Shooter
The guy whose shooting form makes you want to kill yourself.
You first notice that he runs funny and that he's not wearing basketball shoes. "That's okay", you think to yourself. Then, you take a closer look. His shoes are made by Umbro. "Oh. He's probably foreign. That's okay too." Except he starts talking, and he's not foreign. He sounds like he's from around here. Hmm. Then one of the shootaround balls lands near him, and from the moment he sets his hands on the ball to dribble it, you know that everything is not quite right. He faces the hoop and sets up his shot. Jesus, what's he doing? His shooting wrist isn't below the ball! His guide hand is draped across the top of the ball from left to right! Little do you know that the next fraction of a second will haunt you forever. Small children with the misfortune of looking in his direction flinch, as if uncertain of their own well-being. They look behind them for reassurance but instead they're frightened by the terror they see in their mothers' faces. You try to avert your eyes like Karen Allen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big Nazi gets sliced by the propeller, but it's too late. You see everything including the follow-through...an image of darkness like the kind that drove H.P. Lovecraft's pen has now been burned into your reality. It'd be one thing if this guy was a good shooter, but no, it's like the rim wants absolutely nothing to do with his stuff. |
It's more funny when that guy hits most of his shots lol, perfect write up bro. |
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ElliotTheFan
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Joined: 11 Jun 2009
Posts: 2474
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 9:34 pm Post subject: |
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Double post
Last edited by ElliotTheFan on Sun Jul 01, 2012 9:36 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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loslakersss
Franchise Player
Joined: 31 Dec 2008
Posts: 11853
Location: LA
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 9:35 pm Post subject: |
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| C M B wrote: | The Modern Art Shooter
The guy whose shooting form makes you want to kill yourself.
You first notice that he runs funny and that he's not wearing basketball shoes. "That's okay", you think to yourself. Then, you take a closer look. His shoes are made by Umbro. "Oh. He's probably foreign. That's okay too." Except he starts talking, and he's not foreign. He sounds like he's from around here. Hmm. Then one of the shootaround balls lands near him, and from the moment he sets his hands on the ball to dribble it, you know that everything is not quite right. He faces the hoop and sets up his shot. Jesus, what's he doing? His shooting wrist isn't below the ball! His guide hand is draped across the top of the ball from left to right! Little do you know that the next fraction of a second will haunt you forever. Small children with the misfortune of looking in his direction flinch, as if uncertain of their own well-being. They look behind them for reassurance but instead they're frightened by the terror they see in their mothers' faces. You try to avert your eyes like Karen Allen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big Nazi gets sliced by the propeller, but it's too late. You see everything including the follow-through...an image of darkness like the kind that drove H.P. Lovecraft's pen has now been burned into your reality. It'd be one thing if this guy was a good shooter, but no, it's like the rim wants absolutely nothing to do with his stuff. |
You can paint quite a picture with your words. |
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56
Star Player
Joined: 27 Apr 2011
Posts: 4381
Location: San Diego, CA
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 10:59 pm Post subject: |
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| loslakersss wrote: | | C M B wrote: | The Modern Art Shooter
The guy whose shooting form makes you want to kill yourself.
You first notice that he runs funny and that he's not wearing basketball shoes. "That's okay", you think to yourself. Then, you take a closer look. His shoes are made by Umbro. "Oh. He's probably foreign. That's okay too." Except he starts talking, and he's not foreign. He sounds like he's from around here. Hmm. Then one of the shootaround balls lands near him, and from the moment he sets his hands on the ball to dribble it, you know that everything is not quite right. He faces the hoop and sets up his shot. Jesus, what's he doing? His shooting wrist isn't below the ball! His guide hand is draped across the top of the ball from left to right! Little do you know that the next fraction of a second will haunt you forever. Small children with the misfortune of looking in his direction flinch, as if uncertain of their own well-being. They look behind them for reassurance but instead they're frightened by the terror they see in their mothers' faces. You try to avert your eyes like Karen Allen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big Nazi gets sliced by the propeller, but it's too late. You see everything including the follow-through...an image of darkness like the kind that drove H.P. Lovecraft's pen has now been burned into your reality. It'd be one thing if this guy was a good shooter, but no, it's like the rim wants absolutely nothing to do with his stuff. |
You can paint quite a picture with your words. |
LG's own Bill Walton! |
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loslakersss
Franchise Player
Joined: 31 Dec 2008
Posts: 11853
Location: LA
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:09 pm Post subject: |
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| DriftNslide wrote: | | loslakersss wrote: | | C M B wrote: | The Modern Art Shooter
The guy whose shooting form makes you want to kill yourself.
You first notice that he runs funny and that he's not wearing basketball shoes. "That's okay", you think to yourself. Then, you take a closer look. His shoes are made by Umbro. "Oh. He's probably foreign. That's okay too." Except he starts talking, and he's not foreign. He sounds like he's from around here. Hmm. Then one of the shootaround balls lands near him, and from the moment he sets his hands on the ball to dribble it, you know that everything is not quite right. He faces the hoop and sets up his shot. Jesus, what's he doing? His shooting wrist isn't below the ball! His guide hand is draped across the top of the ball from left to right! Little do you know that the next fraction of a second will haunt you forever. Small children with the misfortune of looking in his direction flinch, as if uncertain of their own well-being. They look behind them for reassurance but instead they're frightened by the terror they see in their mothers' faces. You try to avert your eyes like Karen Allen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big Nazi gets sliced by the propeller, but it's too late. You see everything including the follow-through...an image of darkness like the kind that drove H.P. Lovecraft's pen has now been burned into your reality. It'd be one thing if this guy was a good shooter, but no, it's like the rim wants absolutely nothing to do with his stuff. |
You can paint quite a picture with your words. |
LG's own Bill Walton! |
Throw it down, big man. Throw it down! |
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LakerLanny
Retired Number
Joined: 24 Oct 2001
Posts: 47610
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:26 pm Post subject: |
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| C M B wrote: | 1.) The High Expector
The player who is more athletic and talented than most players on the court and has extensive experience playing organized ball, but has ZERO tolerance for non-regular/inexperienced players who can't catch 250mph bounce passes or knock down open jumpshots like you're f'ing Dell Curry. This player feels like every possession is for the NBA championship and is keeping a Nazi eye on every mistake you make and will let you hear about it via slapping his hands together and whining: "aw come OWN dawg, how you missed dat?" You are an inconvenience to this player. He's pissed that you ended up on his team. After your team loses and the other team asks "Wanna run it back?", he exclaims "Aw HELL naw we need to switch up these teams!" despite only losing by only 1 point, which was the game winning basket that he failed to cover. Losing wasn't his fault; it was your fault. This player typically took the bus to get to the court. Almost winning a game was the highlight of his day.
2.) The Snoot
This guy is of the same blood as the High Expector, but is not obnoxious in his pomposity. When there is an even number of players on the court shooting around and he is asked "You wanna run?", he examines you and the other players and a.) determines that he is too far above the level of competition and declines the invitation and insists that he just wants to shoot around on his basket, even if it means leaving the total of available players at 9 thus destroying the possibility of playing a full-court game once a 10th player actually arrives or b.) accepts the invitation to play not out of eagerness to play but out of annoyance and the resignation that he has to play with chumps like you..."I guess...Imma change mah shoes though." The snoot usually has another, newer and more expensive pair of shoes in a bag somewhere that he will change into to signify that everything he was doing before reluctantly playing with you was just child's play. Much like the High Expector, he does not have reliable transportation or a steady job.
3.) Asian Stephon Marbury
This player is well-dressed for the game: Great shoes, shorts that go down to his ankles, compression tights, sweatband (worn above the elbow), upper arm tattoo. He's fast and quick. But he's 5'2", shoots the ball like he's Sasha Vujacic in practice, but only hits like Sasha Vujacic during gametime. Thinks he can dribble the ball like Pistol Pete in the 70s but his actual ball handling makes him less effective than Pistol Pete circa 2012. Has reliable transportation, but will probably drive to a Bikini Coffee Bar or Sam Woo's BBQ after the court lights turn off.
4.) Mr. Up Top
This player is hated by all other players on the court. Well-after possession has changed and you are dribbling the ball full speed to what you think should most certainly be a wide open layup, you take a glance behind you and notice that most of the other players are standing near the opposing basket with their backs turned to you and their hands resting on their hips. This is because Mr. Up Top has called yet another bogus foul causing a stoppage in play.
"BUT NOBODY TOUCHED YOU!!!!" cry the other players, in unison.
"Motha (bleep) I don't care what you say I called ball up top!" |
That is some of your all time best work. I actually really did laugh out loud reading that...
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Love, Laker Lanny |
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GoldenThroat
Moderator
Joined: 25 Jul 2005
Posts: 37474
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 8:07 am Post subject: |
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| C M B wrote: | The Modern Art Shooter
The guy whose shooting form makes you want to kill yourself.
You first notice that he runs funny and that he's not wearing basketball shoes. "That's okay", you think to yourself. Then, you take a closer look. His shoes are made by Umbro. "Oh. He's probably foreign. That's okay too." Except he starts talking, and he's not foreign. He sounds like he's from around here. Hmm. Then one of the shootaround balls lands near him, and from the moment he sets his hands on the ball to dribble it, you know that everything is not quite right. He faces the hoop and sets up his shot. Jesus, what's he doing? His shooting wrist isn't below the ball! His guide hand is draped across the top of the ball from left to right! Little do you know that the next fraction of a second will haunt you forever. Small children with the misfortune of looking in his direction flinch, as if uncertain of their own well-being. They look behind them for reassurance but instead they're frightened by the terror they see in their mothers' faces. You try to avert your eyes like Karen Allen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big Nazi gets sliced by the propeller, but it's too late. You see everything including the follow-through...an image of darkness like the kind that drove H.P. Lovecraft's pen has now been burned into your reality. It'd be one thing if this guy was a good shooter, but no, it's like the rim wants absolutely nothing to do with his stuff. |
When I see this guy, the thought that runs through my mind is "your father never loved you", because he allowed you to grow up with that atrocity. |
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vanexelent
Retired Number
Joined: 17 May 2005
Posts: 30081
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 8:26 am Post subject: |
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| 24KaratGold wrote: | Not to completely switch directions, but guys I love playing with:
1) Pass-first PG: This kid either played PG at a pretty good high school and was taught how to play the right way, or just learned through playing on the streets. He just does everything the right way. If a big grabs the defensive rebound, he'll come to him and get the ball, dribble it up the court, while scanning for the open man. If you are open he will find you. Can score at will (will blow by his man for an easy lay-up a couple times a game), but is looking to pass. Shows why guys like Nash, Magic, and Kidd are so endeared by their teammates
2) The cutter: You catch the ball and look up and this kid just cut underneath the basket and is wide open. Always. Another guy that knows how to play the right way, as opposed to the one-on-one, superstar type basketball we see a lot of now. Will shoot like 90+% and take 3 dribbles the whole game because all he has to do is catch and shoot |
The Cutter is the best guy to play with. The key to pickup ball is to pick & roll, right up the middle. This always works because you can even set a pick for the ball-hog, who's always at the top of the key and if you roll, even he will find you for a layup. The more active in setting picks, the more you influence others to follow suite. This also works if you convert a tricky pass to an assists. People see that they can standout by creating for others and they start doing it too. |
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C M B
Franchise Player
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 19879
Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 8:38 am Post subject: |
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| GoldenThroat wrote: | | C M B wrote: | The Modern Art Shooter
The guy whose shooting form makes you want to kill yourself.
You first notice that he runs funny and that he's not wearing basketball shoes. "That's okay", you think to yourself. Then, you take a closer look. His shoes are made by Umbro. "Oh. He's probably foreign. That's okay too." Except he starts talking, and he's not foreign. He sounds like he's from around here. Hmm. Then one of the shootaround balls lands near him, and from the moment he sets his hands on the ball to dribble it, you know that everything is not quite right. He faces the hoop and sets up his shot. Jesus, what's he doing? His shooting wrist isn't below the ball! His guide hand is draped across the top of the ball from left to right! Little do you know that the next fraction of a second will haunt you forever. Small children with the misfortune of looking in his direction flinch, as if uncertain of their own well-being. They look behind them for reassurance but instead they're frightened by the terror they see in their mothers' faces. You try to avert your eyes like Karen Allen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big Nazi gets sliced by the propeller, but it's too late. You see everything including the follow-through...an image of darkness like the kind that drove H.P. Lovecraft's pen has now been burned into your reality. It'd be one thing if this guy was a good shooter, but no, it's like the rim wants absolutely nothing to do with his stuff. |
When I see this guy, the thought that runs through my mind is "your father never loved you", because he allowed you to grow up with that atrocity. |
Another testament to how cruel humans can sometimes be--he's been shooting like this as a child and not one person, throughout the course of his entire life, stepped in to say "Hey, that's wrong." It's the equivalent of being raised by wolves, and nobody ever taught him how to piss in a toilet.
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| Sister Golden Hair wrote: | LAMAR ODOM is an anagram for ... DOOM ALARM
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C M B
Franchise Player
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 19879
Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 9:01 am Post subject: |
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The Vandal
On every court there's some dickbag who can jump high enough to grab the rim, but will never, ever be able to dunk the ball. Yet, during a game, this degenerate insists on grabbing the rim after a missed shot to make it seem like he juuuuust missed a putback dunk.
Some other things on the court:
I'm not very good at all, but have pretty good BBIQ, so I scout potential teammates during the shootaround. If I notice any sketchiness, I will tank my shoot-for-teams freethrow so that I can take my limited talents to the right team.
Pet peeve -when playing on an outdoor court with no cage and the ball goes awry, with zero (bleep) given by the guy closest to the ball, so you have to waste your energy running 3k just to fetch it.
Pet peeve - I must be the only person in the world who keeps a properly inflated ball and/or replaces them when the grip and texture are no longer good. There are usually two choices when playing pickup: a 30 year old cowhide ball that bounces like an expired citrus, or the finger breaker.
_________________
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| Sister Golden Hair wrote: | LAMAR ODOM is an anagram for ... DOOM ALARM
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GoldenThroat
Moderator
Joined: 25 Jul 2005
Posts: 37474
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:16 pm Post subject: |
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The Layup Contest
A favorite past time of the Vandal, and most often occurs when multiple Vandals congregate before & after a pickup game begins. This futile exercise consists of a few Vandals violently throwing the ball off of the backboard or backrim in an effort to dunk. After several unsuccessful attempts, they will solicit the assistance of an unwitting associate to throw them lobs, because their inability to dunk today is obviously due to the insufficient adhesive qualities that every basketball in America seems to possess. This is followed by 5 minutes of annoyance directed toward the lobber for not placing the ball with the precision of a military sniper.
Occassionally, the Layup Contest will actually result in a dunk, usually on a rim that's been compromised to 9'8" as the result of previous Layup Contests. At that point, a secret Bat Signal will appear in the sky, alerting all Vandals in a 100 mile radius of the court to this opportunity. Over the next few days, scores of Vandals descend upon the court, and the rim is invariably broken within a week. |
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C M B
Franchise Player
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 19879
Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:49 pm Post subject: |
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| GoldenThroat wrote: | The Layup Contest
A favorite past time of the Vandal, and most often occurs when multiple Vandals congregate before & after a pickup game begins. This futile exercise consists of a few Vandals violently throwing the ball off of the backboard or backrim in an effort to dunk. After several unsuccessful attempts, they will solicit the assistance of an unwitting associate to throw them lobs, because their inability to dunk today is obviously due to the insufficient adhesive qualities that every basketball in America seems to possess. This is followed by 5 minutes of annoyance directed toward the lobber for not placing the ball with the precision of a military sniper.
Occassionally, the Layup Contest will actually result in a dunk, usually on a rim that's been compromised to 9'8" as the result of previous Layup Contests. At that point, a secret Bat Signal will appear in the sky, alerting all Vandals in a 100 mile radius of the court to this opportunity. Over the next few days, scores of Vandals descend upon the court, and the rim is invariably broken within a week. |
You are explicit to perfection as to why this guy is called "The Vandal".
This is anyone who plays at his favorite court, takes a week off, and then comes back, not yet knowing that one or several Vandals have since gorillafied the facilities:
".......what the (bleep) happened to the rim?"
_________________
http://chickhearn.ytmnd.com/
| Sister Golden Hair wrote: | LAMAR ODOM is an anagram for ... DOOM ALARM
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B_P
Star Player
Joined: 28 May 2003
Posts: 8598
Location: (physically) West Seattle (heart) Venice Beach
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 1:01 pm Post subject: |
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| vanexelent wrote: | | 24KaratGold wrote: | Not to completely switch directions, but guys I love playing with:
1) Pass-first PG: This kid either played PG at a pretty good high school and was taught how to play the right way, or just learned through playing on the streets. He just does everything the right way. If a big grabs the defensive rebound, he'll come to him and get the ball, dribble it up the court, while scanning for the open man. If you are open he will find you. Can score at will (will blow by his man for an easy lay-up a couple times a game), but is looking to pass. Shows why guys like Nash, Magic, and Kidd are so endeared by their teammates
2) The cutter: You catch the ball and look up and this kid just cut underneath the basket and is wide open. Always. Another guy that knows how to play the right way, as opposed to the one-on-one, superstar type basketball we see a lot of now. Will shoot like 90+% and take 3 dribbles the whole game because all he has to do is catch and shoot |
The Cutter is the best guy to play with. The key to pickup ball is to pick & roll, right up the middle. This always works because you can even set a pick for the ball-hog, who's always at the top of the key and if you roll, even he will find you for a layup. The more active in setting picks, the more you influence others to follow suite. This also works if you convert a tricky pass to an assists. People see that they can standout by creating for others and they start doing it too. |
Yes, playing with cutters is awesome. When there's any off-ball movement at all (or god forbid, there are off-ball picks being set!), it makes playing pick-up hoops a great experience.
Another great thing is when you play with guys who actually understand spacing and the concept of a strong-side and a weak-side. The ball tends to suck unaware offensive players into it, creating a cluster of players all in one spot. But everyone once in a while, you play with guys who understand spacing and it's a beautiful thing.
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Everything. Changes. |
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postandpivot
Retired Number
Joined: 16 Sep 2003
Posts: 36822
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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| rwongega wrote: | | brutella wrote: | The "don't touch me" guy who calls sissy touch fouls.
and
the "shoot the trey every chance I can get" guy.
Biggest pet peeves for me. |
Guilty on that charge. Though I do make more than I miss, usually. |
dont worry, i'll hit you for the game winner. and only the game winner. lol
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LAL4K3RS wrote: He(Kobe) is the white haired kung fu master that you realize is older than dirt but can still kick your arse when in a sitting position drinking a nice herbal tea. |
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postandpivot
Retired Number
Joined: 16 Sep 2003
Posts: 36822
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 2:02 pm Post subject: |
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whats hilarious about this list is. i read it. and just so happen i decided to hit the courts. low and behold. everyone you guy listed in this thread were there. i started laughing to self when i walked up . cause you could hear the guys yacking, hacking, guys trying to do wayyyy to much that never had it and definitely dont have it now that they're old. old men hacking the young guy thats just trying to play and saying "come on youngsta, you cant hold me like that. you better hit the weight room" wow, really old school. you're going to hack the guy and then tell him he cant hold you? what hold?
then after all that arguing and excess foul calls and hacks, travels, etc. i finally get on the court with team old school but we had one thing in our favor. we were HUGE in comparison to the other younger, smaller but more athletic team that was tired from barely beating the other team with a couple of hacks on it. what did we do? lost by 2 because we couldnt buy a layup early in the game. we could've easily won by 10 going to 11. we kept missing layups at the rim, myself included. i did blame it on the double rim when i dropped the ball clear in to the basket. it rolled to the back of the rim. back in. then back out. like wow. today is not my day or my teammates. lol.
_________________
LAL4K3RS wrote: He(Kobe) is the white haired kung fu master that you realize is older than dirt but can still kick your arse when in a sitting position drinking a nice herbal tea. |
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postandpivot
Retired Number
Joined: 16 Sep 2003
Posts: 36822
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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| B_P wrote: | | vanexelent wrote: | | 24KaratGold wrote: | Not to completely switch directions, but guys I love playing with:
1) Pass-first PG: This kid either played PG at a pretty good high school and was taught how to play the right way, or just learned through playing on the streets. He just does everything the right way. If a big grabs the defensive rebound, he'll come to him and get the ball, dribble it up the court, while scanning for the open man. If you are open he will find you. Can score at will (will blow by his man for an easy lay-up a couple times a game), but is looking to pass. Shows why guys like Nash, Magic, and Kidd are so endeared by their teammates
2) The cutter: You catch the ball and look up and this kid just cut underneath the basket and is wide open. Always. Another guy that knows how to play the right way, as opposed to the one-on-one, superstar type basketball we see a lot of now. Will shoot like 90+% and take 3 dribbles the whole game because all he has to do is catch and shoot |
The Cutter is the best guy to play with. The key to pickup ball is to pick & roll, right up the middle. This always works because you can even set a pick for the ball-hog, who's always at the top of the key and if you roll, even he will find you for a layup. The more active in setting picks, the more you influence others to follow suite. This also works if you convert a tricky pass to an assists. People see that they can standout by creating for others and they start doing it too. |
Yes, playing with cutters is awesome. When there's any off-ball movement at all (or god forbid, there are off-ball picks being set!), it makes playing pick-up hoops a great experience.
Another great thing is when you play with guys who actually understand spacing and the concept of a strong-side and a weak-side. The ball tends to suck unaware offensive players into it, creating a cluster of players all in one spot. But everyone once in a while, you play with guys who understand spacing and it's a beautiful thing. |
yes sir. i recall getting lucky a few times at a gym i use to frequent back in my younger more athletic days. i was the athletic brotha and i had 3 white guys(2 shooters, 1 hardnosed hustler older guy), + one armenian guy that was great PG. they saw me coming at assumed"oh boy he's going to take all the shots." nope. i give it to the guy who looks like a real pg. and finds out quickly he is after he hits me on the cut. i said "wow, we're hitting cutters today. lovely." game was over from there. we probably won 7 games that day non stop. cutting, setting off ball and on ball screens, moving the ball like the old triangle good times. we were all like dude when will all of you guys be back up here i dont want to play with anyone else. but its always a fluke to find that kind of group of guys.
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postandpivot
Retired Number
Joined: 16 Sep 2003
Posts: 36822
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 2:07 pm Post subject: |
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| C M B wrote: | | GoldenThroat wrote: | The Layup Contest
A favorite past time of the Vandal, and most often occurs when multiple Vandals congregate before & after a pickup game begins. This futile exercise consists of a few Vandals violently throwing the ball off of the backboard or backrim in an effort to dunk. After several unsuccessful attempts, they will solicit the assistance of an unwitting associate to throw them lobs, because their inability to dunk today is obviously due to the insufficient adhesive qualities that every basketball in America seems to possess. This is followed by 5 minutes of annoyance directed toward the lobber for not placing the ball with the precision of a military sniper.
Occassionally, the Layup Contest will actually result in a dunk, usually on a rim that's been compromised to 9'8" as the result of previous Layup Contests. At that point, a secret Bat Signal will appear in the sky, alerting all Vandals in a 100 mile radius of the court to this opportunity. Over the next few days, scores of Vandals descend upon the court, and the rim is invariably broken within a week. |
You are explicit to perfection as to why this guy is called "The Vandal".
This is anyone who plays at his favorite court, takes a week off, and then comes back, not yet knowing that one or several Vandals have since gorillafied the facilities:
".......what the (bleep) happened to the rim?" |
L O L you guys are hilarious. but spot on.
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LAL4K3RS wrote: He(Kobe) is the white haired kung fu master that you realize is older than dirt but can still kick your arse when in a sitting position drinking a nice herbal tea. |
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Addicus
Star Player
Joined: 02 Sep 2005
Posts: 9642
Location: Dave's Pimp Palace
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 9:54 pm Post subject: |
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Best thread ever. Thanks for making me lol on the toilet. I was the rebounder, defensive rotating, pick setter, hit any shot off the pick guy who hates playing with black holes, 3point gunners and up top guy.
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Stop crying and start doing.
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/addicusbrown |
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rwongega
Franchise Player
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 20510
Location: UCLA -> NY
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 6:43 am Post subject: |
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Faced off against this yesterday:
The Offensive Lineman
Sets overly enthusiastic picks that would make a certain Thunder player blush. Usually involves a player over 200 pounds who can't really shoot and is too short to effectively rebound all the time. May have even been a lineman in high school/college. Will run up to you and through you instead of stopping. Can be identified by eyes not paying attention to play or ball with gleeful desire to just body check someone. Occasionally, this player may also use his big arms and fatty hands to grab you like the XXL bucket of fried chicken he'll have after the game. You will be tempted to report a rape but keep in mind, the attention is hunger, not sexual, in nature. Key weaknesses include shooting, passing, dribbling, rebounding, shot-blocking, stealing, and/or moving. May also be a part of the the Excessive Sweater class. Also known as Hockey Enforcer. |
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g3rb3r
Star Player
Joined: 07 Jul 2006
Posts: 1577
Location: Las Vegas, NV
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 7:16 am Post subject: |
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| C M B wrote: | The Modern Art Shooter
The guy whose shooting form makes you want to kill yourself.
You first notice that he runs funny and that he's not wearing basketball shoes. "That's okay", you think to yourself. Then, you take a closer look. His shoes are made by Umbro. "Oh. He's probably foreign. That's okay too." Except he starts talking, and he's not foreign. He sounds like he's from around here. Hmm. Then one of the shootaround balls lands near him, and from the moment he sets his hands on the ball to dribble it, you know that everything is not quite right. He faces the hoop and sets up his shot. Jesus, what's he doing? His shooting wrist isn't below the ball! His guide hand is draped across the top of the ball from left to right! Little do you know that the next fraction of a second will haunt you forever. Small children with the misfortune of looking in his direction flinch, as if uncertain of their own well-being. They look behind them for reassurance but instead they're frightened by the terror they see in their mothers' faces. You try to avert your eyes like Karen Allen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big Nazi gets sliced by the propeller, but it's too late. You see everything including the follow-through...an image of darkness like the kind that drove H.P. Lovecraft's pen has now been burned into your reality. It'd be one thing if this guy was a good shooter, but no, it's like the rim wants absolutely nothing to do with his stuff. |
Genius, completely forgot about these people. |
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C M B
Franchise Player
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 19879
Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 9:12 am Post subject: |
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The Backalley Doctor
If you ever have the misfortune of a cramped muscle, a tweaked ankle, or any other injury while playing pickup, it is absolutely vital that you take all measures in ignoring and rejecting any assistance that you are offered, because chances are that the treatment suggestions that you will hear could have devastating effects on your future mobility. Remember that at all times you are surrounded by men who eat fast food at least 10x a week. If you look every one of them in the eye, would you put it past them to put a baby in a laundromat washer just for fun? I wouldn't. So why trust them with your ability to walk? Do not let yourself become the victim of medical bropractice.
Some examples of popular on-court treatment to injuries:
Sprainked ankle - "Get up, homie. Get up before dat (bleep) gets stiff, dawg. If you stop playin' now it'll be worse...play on it and keep it warm and it won't get swoll." <sometimes followed by 2 Backalley Doctors picking up the injured person and placing him back on his feet>
Cramped calf - "Oh (bleep), he's cramping, I got some lipitor in my car, be right back."
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| Sister Golden Hair wrote: | LAMAR ODOM is an anagram for ... DOOM ALARM
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minorbravo
Star Player
Joined: 04 Oct 2007
Posts: 2108
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 10:06 am Post subject: |
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Mr Fast Break:
The guy who pushes the ball on every possession even if he doesn't have numbers. Then yells at his teammates for not running back with him.
Takes it easy on defense because hes saving energy for his one man fast break.
Runs out of energy in the middle of the game
Also the guy who won't call fouls, gets hammered on every play but is too manly to call a foul cause this is street basketball. (That ones me.) |
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